Women, there are two kinds: settlers and traders.
The settlers are content to stay where they are. They may never be fully happy—maybe happiness was never in their cards—but they’re at peace with what they’ve got. They appreciate the life they’ve chosen. Most men are settlers, too. But settlers, bless them, are dull as dishwater, and we’re not here to talk about them.
No, we’re here to talk about the traders.
Traders don’t compromise. They’re after perfection, and they want it now. At first, they might fool you. They’ll stick around for a spell, maybe try to mold you into their ideal. But eventually, if you’re not exactly what they want, you’ll find yourself kicked to the curb like last week’s newspaper.
Traders trade up—looks, status, sex appeal, or simply someone who buys them more bubbles. They’ve had many husbands and even more boyfriends. They’re thrilling, dramatic, and endlessly fun. But beware: you’re always just one trade away from being the next ex.
Now, some folks say, “You can’t blame them. They know what they want, and they’re just trying to get it.” And sure, I understand the logic. If something’s not working, why stick with it? If your car keeps breaking down, you eventually trade it in, right? The trouble is, people aren’t cars. When you trade one partner with five flaws for a shiny new one, you never know what fresh set of problems the new model might bring. And while you’re out there trading, you’re also piling up issues of your own—anger, dissatisfaction, and maybe even regret.
The irony is, traders often realize deep down what they’re doing. They just don’t admit it—to others or to themselves. And if they do, society has a few choice labels for them, which I won’t repeat here. But let’s call it what it is: bad decision-making, driven by a skewed idea of love.
You see, for many traders, love isn’t about “for better or for worse.” Love is about convenience. Women, by nature, are wired to make the best deal for themselves and their children. That’s survival. But the vows about sticking it out through thick and thin? That’s baloney to a trader. It’s just not in their DNA.
Now, before you start typing up your comments, ladies, let’s be honest—with yourselves and with me. Deep down, we all know there’s truth in this.
And men, don’t despair. There’s nothing wrong with dating a trader. They’re a hell of a lot of fun. You might even convince yourself you can change them. (Spoiler: you can’t.) Eventually, your furniture will end up on the curb, replaced by something “better” they picked out. But don’t fret too much; you can let that go.
Sooner or later, though, you’ll say “no” to them—stand your ground—and that’s when they’ll retreat. If you don’t chase after them, they’ll move on, finding someone else who laughs at their jokes and craves a bit of drama.
The cycle repeats: they trade, you try, and everyone keeps thinking the next one will be the perfect one. But one day, you’ll wake up old and alone, with nothing but the memory of the ride.
And what a ride it was.
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