Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to extol the eternal virtues of poverty. Why, poverty is no curse, dear reader—it is the badge of honor for the truly virtuous, the soft quilt of moral superiority under which we shiver happily. The world, after all, has long whispered that the less a man owns, the closer he is to sainthood. Or so the rich tell us.
You see, there is a certain glory in being poor, one that the rich can only dream of—if they weren’t so busy counting their money in luxurious velvet chairs. First and foremost, being poor makes you relatable. People admire you for your struggles; they think you are an authentic, salt-of-the-earth soul. In other words, you’re the kind of person who doesn’t need five forks at dinner because you’re lucky to have one that doesn’t bend when you jab at a potato.
The wealthy? They are weighed down by gold, jewels, and the crushing burden of their possessions. But the poor man? Why, he is as free as a bird, save for the chains of unpaid debts and hungry children. Oh, but he sleeps well at night knowing that nobody will bother to steal the possessions he doesn’t have. That, friends, is peace of mind that money can’t buy.
And let us not forget the character poverty builds! Have you ever heard of a rich man being praised for his resourcefulness? Of course not! They buy solutions. But a poor man? He can fix a broken chair with a piece of twine, cook a feast from scraps, and stretch a penny until it begs for mercy. Now that is talent.
The poor are also automatically virtuous. A man with an empty wallet is assumed to have a full heart—filled with compassion, humility, and the purest form of goodness. You might say, “Oh, but poverty breeds crime!” Well, what is crime but ambition in a hurry? A poor man’s sin is often nothing more than his hunger getting the better of him, whereas a rich man’s sin is premeditated, tidy, and carefully catalogued in a ledger.
But here is the best part—the rich need the poor to feel better about themselves. For without the poor, who would the rich bestow their crumbs of charity upon? And without the rich, who would the poor blame for their troubles? It’s a harmonious system, really—a great wheel that turns the world.
So rejoice, my friends, in your poverty! It is a divine gift. It grants you freedom, character, and moral elevation—qualities that the rich will never possess in their gilded prisons. And if, in the midst of your glorious poverty, you ever feel disheartened, remember this: The poor are blessed, for they shall inherit the earth. Or at the very least, a nice corner of it where no landlord bothers to knock.
End of sermon. Pass the collection plate.
Seriously, I have been rich, and I have been poor. The only real difference is that when you’re rich and go out with your poor friends, they expect you to pay for at least one round. Also, a certain kind of woman and certain kinds of friends tend to stick around more when you’ve got money. On top of that, you’ll need to pay the occasional accountant and lawyer. Sure, all negatives—but between the two, I’d still rather be rich.
By the way, many of the people you think are rich are actually broke and owe everything, while those who don’t live so flashy might have more money than you think. There’s no such thing as a typical rich person or poor person. And one final thing: there are honest poor people and honest rich people, just as there are dishonest people in both groups. The difference? The poor guy might hustle you for $5, while the rich guy will go for six figures.
At the end of the day, money doesn’t make the man or woman—but it sure does help keep the lights on.
0
