“If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” – YNOT
The truth is, the world already has enough talkers, and the ones who know how to listen stand out like a lighthouse in a storm. So do yourself a favor—listen more, talk less, and watch how much further that gets you.
Most people listen just enough to reload their next argument, not to understand. And that’s a crying shame, because listening – really listening – is where the gold is. If you master the art of keeping your mouth shut and your ears open, you’ll be miles ahead of the rest, earning respect, influence, and maybe even a few secrets along the way.
How to Listen Better and Show Genuine Interest
- Give Your Full Attention
When someone is speaking, focus entirely on them. Put away distractions, maintain eye contact, and use open body language to show engagement. - Practice Active Listening
Nodding, using small verbal affirmations like “I see” or “That makes sense,” and summarizing key points help demonstrate that you are truly absorbing what the speaker is saying. - Ask Thoughtful Questions
Instead of rushing to share your opinion, ask follow-up questions that encourage the speaker to elaborate. This not only deepens the conversation but also signals that you value their thoughts. - Pause Before Responding
Many people start formulating their response while the other person is still talking. Instead, take a moment after they finish speaking to process what was said before responding. - Avoid Interrupting
Even if you have an idea or insight, let the other person finish. Interrupting not only disrupts the conversation but also signals that you value your words more than theirs. - Mirror and Validate Feelings
Reflecting back on what someone says (e.g., “It sounds like that was really frustrating for you”) makes them feel heard and understood, strengthening the connection.
Sympathy vs. Empathy in Responses
Understanding the difference between sympathy and empathy can significantly improve your listening skills:
- Sympathy: Expressing pity or sorrow for someone’s situation. Example: “I’m sorry you’re going through that.”
- Empathy: Truly understanding and sharing the feelings of another. Example: “That must have been really tough for you. I can imagine how challenging that was.”
Empathy is more powerful in conversations because it fosters deeper connections. It shows that you’re not just acknowledging someone’s struggle but that you are trying to understand it from their perspective.
How to Control a Conversation and Improve Communication
1. Controlling a Conversation: Ask More, Talk Less
The person in control of a conversation is not the one who talks the most, but the one who asks the most questions. By strategically asking questions, you can direct the discussion, influence energy levels, and determine the conversation’s depth.
- Closed-ended questions (yes/no answers) limit engagement.
- Open-ended questions (starting with “how” or “why”) encourage deeper responses, leading to richer conversations.
- Information is power—the more you learn about someone, the more influence and connection you gain.
2. Using “Two Questions and a Validation” to Avoid Interrogation
To prevent making someone feel like they’re being grilled:
- Ask an initial open-ended question.
- Follow up with a related open-ended question.
- Validate or confirm what they said with a statement instead of another question.
This technique builds rapport and encourages natural conversation without making the other person feel controlled.
3. The Power of Perception vs. Perspective
- Perception: How you see the world based on personal experiences, biases, and beliefs.
- Perspective: The ability to understand how others see the world.
- Growth happens when you embrace cognitive dissonance—being open to new, challenging information rather than rejecting it outright.
4. Handling Tough Conversations with Different Viewpoints
- Don’t waste energy challenging someone unwilling to change their view.
- Instead of debating, adopt their perspective for the sake of the conversation.
- Effective communication is about adapting to the other person’s mindset, not forcing them to change.
Key Takeaways:
- Control conversations by asking strategic open-ended questions.
- Use two questions and a validation to avoid making someone feel interrogated.
- Embrace cognitive dissonance to expand your own worldview.
- Adapt to the other person’s perspective rather than trying to change their beliefs.
- The best communicators take responsibility for making conversations flow smoothly.
FINAL NOTE:
More than once, I’ve gone with an associate or friend to a business meeting, and they’re amazed by how little I talk. I let the other person do most of the talking, not because I’m naturally quiet, but because it’s a deliberate strategy. The irony is, if you’re my friend, you’ll have a hard time getting me to listen to you—at least, that’s what my friends say. The point is, in sales—which, by the way, is anytime you step out your front door—you’re playing a role. At home, with friends, you’re off duty, free to be yourself. But in business, presenting confidence and professionalism is part of the game. There’s nothing wrong with this duality; it’s not deception—it’s adaptation. Knowing when to listen, when to speak, and how to project the right image isn’t just a skill, it’s a necessity.
EXTRA CREDIT:
The Art of Saying Nothing
IMPOSTERS EVERYWHERE or NOT
How People work – ‘Reward,’ ‘Ideology,’ ‘Coercion,’ and ‘Ego’
Lessons in projecting confidence
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