The planners had theories. Joe had waffles. -- YNOT!
Every few years someone comes along and says, “Socialism will work this time.”
Fine. Let’s run a little experiment.
Take a Waffle House and turn it into a worker-owned collective in the glorious Socialist Communist City of Dreamlandia.
At first everyone is excited. There are meetings about equality. Meetings about inclusion. Meetings about meetings.
Then reality arrives.
Someone eats half the waffles before they ever reach a customer.
Someone else helps themselves to the cash register because, after all, private property is oppression.
Nobody cleans the bathrooms because cleaning toilets is an unfair burden imposed by capitalist power structures.
The manager forgets to order waffle mix.
But wait! Managers create a ruling class. We can’t have that.
So the government appoints a Committee for Waffle Equity.
Now things really improve.
One committee member steals the waffle mix and sells homemade waffles to his friends.
Another is skimming a percentage of sales with his supervisor.
Half the employees don’t show up because they already receive Universal Waffle Income.
The toilets haven’t worked in years, but three subcommittees are studying the issue.
Meanwhile, customers disappear.
Why?
Because down the street is JoeWaffles, a privately owned restaurant.
Joe shows up every day. Joe buys fresh fruit. Joe fixes broken equipment.
Joe cleans the bathrooms. Joe actually cares if customers come back.
The government inspectors hate Joe because he buys strawberries from farmers on the black market.
The customers love Joe because he has strawberries.
And that is the story of Dreamlandia. The planners had theories.
Joe had waffles.
In the end, people usually choose the waffles.
— No Waffles were consumed in making this post —
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